seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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