It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
