So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
