Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
