I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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