You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
