Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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