Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize