Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
