I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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