pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize