I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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