it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
