im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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