I want to make a zoo with you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize