Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
