And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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