a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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