my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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