I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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