I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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