How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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