the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
