i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
