real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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