my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
