We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
