the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
