I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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