So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
