In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
