it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
