I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
