'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
