we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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