Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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