Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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