waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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