The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How does one acquire holy water?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
