i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dick very happy bro
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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