You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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