sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
