okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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