I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
