Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We were destined to go to rehab together
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sorry about my life...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
