You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Randomize
