he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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