Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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