So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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