I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
