i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
