I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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