So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
