youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
