Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
