Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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