I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
