So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
