the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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