Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
