I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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