i think my mom watched the whole time
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
