Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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