that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
