"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
