I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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