before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
