i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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