I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
