Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
