I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
