soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
