I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Panties = found
Randomize
