Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
