Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
