is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
