end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize