I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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