i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
