Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize