My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
