if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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