He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
