I'm going to jail i love you
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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