Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
