Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
