my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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