She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
