Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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